I miss Vic; but I know in my heart that he doesn’t miss me; maybe my body and the things I did in bed with him and to him, but he doesn’t miss me. I am unloved.
I thought this time it would be different; that he was a nice guy, that he would see more of me than just sex. I emailed some of my writing to him; I sent him pictures of my paintings and said cute and flirty things to him. He came to see me a second time; but silly me it was only for sex. He sent me some short emails, but for the most part he ignored me. He broke my heart. I cryed off and on for a couple of days before I decided that I had to face reality; and that is I fell for him but he did not fall for me. He has and ex living downstairs and one that wants him back; he has estrogen over-load, to him I am just another female pest.
You would think that I am beautiful, smart, funny, talented and all that good stuff; but it doesn’t seem to matter, when it comes down to it all Vic and other men all just want sex from me. I am unloved.
Today I took my new car for a drive and I went to were my ex and I first lived together over 15 years ago; I remembered him always talking about his ex; and I remembered never feeling quite loved or accepted. The truth is a man has never loved me. I am unloved.
I keep praying it will happen; I thought that Vic would be different but no; I mean nothing to him; nothing but a body to release sexuall tension in. Life feels so cruel sometimes and men have been so cruel to me; I don’t want to believe I will never be loved by a man; but it is so hard to see it as it has never been. They want to own me but give me nothing back; no love just empty promises; lonelness and heartbreak.
When will he come and love me; the special man; God is supposed to have one for everyone. I think God forgot about me… 😦