I just don’t care. I don’t care if I don’t fit in.. I don’t care if I am not considered wholesome. Nope.. don’t care. I have been down that road before and I find it boring..so what if I am not the girl to take home to mom.. I don’t care.
Cause you would have to have a cool mom to get me anyway… if you don’t I don’t care.
I have had my time of staying home and having babies.. I have had my stuffy wedding.. I did the status bullshit thing..now I am done..
Midlife crisis or.. Just have learned I don’t fit in so I am done trying..and for those who don’t like me.. I don’t care.
I am not going to waist my time and my effort.. my energy and my life trying to impress others that don’t really care about me anyway..cause if they did they would just accept me, my quarkiness and all.
I am not going to pretend I don’t live out on the fringe..cause I do.. I like to break the rules when they make no sense..when they are nonsense.. when you say to me ” don’t question.” I am gonna question.. cause I am smart enough your saying it cause your hiding something..
” Don’t rock the boat..” why not? sink or swim right..were is the fun in just accepting that?
I researched midlife crisis and this is what I found..the simple underlying common fact is unhappiness.. or feelings of lack..well I am not feeling unhappiness within.. my pole dancing..and burlesque and sexy pics..make me happy.. the happiness I have felt is from others in the near past.. not being happy with me being myself.
When I do things on the fringe..when I do things out of the ordinary.. it makes me very happy to express myself..to follow the path less traveled..to shake it up..cause that’s were excitment is at.
I have come to a self realisation…through all of this.. I can’t please everyone else… I can only please myself.
Being confident is expressing and living in your own power..while not taking away others happiness.
For once in my life I have realised this.. I am only responsible for me..not you and how you see or view me..that is totally up to you.
I am through with being sorry for being me.
That is my midlife reality.