Mending My Little Girl’s Broken Heart
This post is about parenting and mothering through the worst. My daughter is experiencing a broken heart..the first time it happened to her was when her father first left, just over two years ago. It had affected her fresh again because he moved back into the marital home with his girlfriend.. The kids spent two weeks of the Christmas holidays with them in the house ( I knew in my heart that this would hurt them ) My 10 year old daughter has not been the same since.. She started having nighmares again, sleep walking and having emotional outburst.. She started to have deep sadness..that seems like depression. It has been breaking my heart. She has expressed that she feels that her father has forgotten her or that he will completly..( this makes me so sad ).. I have asked him to spend more time with them and for a father that is soon to be offically divorced he does..but for Robyn it has not been enough.
This weekend.. just last night he dropped them off, but Robyn would not let her daddy go..she clung to him..begging him not to leave..begging him to take her back to his house just for one more night.. he is not working right now as the landscaping business is seasonal but he still wouldn’t do it..and I can’t make him and yelling at him wouldn’t help her. I had to hold my peace and tell him that he had to work it out with her.. just take the time..but he wouldn’t. I had to take her in crying and screaming.. It broke my heart..but I kept calm..I let her cry, kick the walls, slam the doors and scream.
She needed to.. she was so frustrated that she couldn’t have her father the way she needed him. Robyn cryed all night..she wept off and on..she was in and out of my bed..her heart was breaking and she told me so..she was in pain and as her mother I was too.. to see your child in agony is ..it just feels like to much.. I prayed to God to please give me the answer.. to give me the strength.. please God, please help me to dig deep emotionally for my little girl.. please help me to help my child through this dark night.
The night was long..so long as the answer just didn’t come in the night..and sleep didn’t not come to us.. but I stood strong and I was just present..with her in her pain as that was all I had..
This morning..she broke down again..
This time I left her alone.. just like when she was a newborn I knew she just had to cry..to cry it out and release her pain.. her heartbreak..but when she calmed down I went into talk to her..
“Robyn..what has changed?” I asked her softly “After Christmas you became so sad..can you tell me why so I can help you?”
Then she said the saddest thing ” Mommy since Chritmas I have been wishing on the stars outside my bedroom window that you and daddy would love each other and we could all move back into the house again.”
I knew she was probably feeling this way..but to hear her say her little hearts wish killed me a little inside..because I knew it would never come true..
I told her why ” sweety..daddy has a girlfriend but even if he didn’t I would not go back to daddy again because daddy doesn’t understand that he has done anything wrong..and I just learned what I did wrong..so I can’t even be mad at him..but I know that he will not see..that love has to be shared equal between two people..daddy was raised to believe that only a man’s needs matter in a relationship..but you know..so was I and that is why mommy and daddy married..but now I know better.. I know that both partners should hold each other up..that both people in a relationship should be themselves and have their own identities while being in a partnership..but daddy doesn’t understand that.. he might one day..but the trust between us is gone sweety..”
Robyn said ” That is what grandpa does to grandma ( my exes parents) he always tells her that her food isn’t good enough..and grandma does everything for him,,she doesn’t have friends and grandma doesn’t drive or even work mommy.”.. “Yes.” I said ” that is what daddy grew up with and my mommy and daddy had a similar relationship..she did everything for him and if she didn’t she was told she was bad or what she did was not good enough..but daddy doesn’t know he does it..and because of that mommy and daddy can’t get back together.”
“But.” I said to my daughter ” I just learned that what I was doing wrong..so that will help me forgive your father..did you know that even Jesus says ” forgive them father for they know not what they do.” that means when someone hurts you or does something bad..that we should try to understand and forgive them..daddy doesn’t realise how much you are hurting..so we have to try to forgive him.” then I said to Robyn ” I have to forgive myself..because I married your dad and brought you into the world to become apart of this pain..but I didn’t know what I was doing..it is hard for me not to blame myself for your heartache..but I have to give myself credit..cause I have learned.”
My daughter and I hugged as she cryed some more in my arms..but her tears were softer now.. not as painful and harsh..the storm of emotion was passing..it had been a very long 12 hours.
“Mommy.. how come daddy has a girlfriend but you don’t have a boyfriend?” my daughter asked
” because, I had to learn my mistakes first.. I don’t want people going in and out of your life or mine.. I don’t want you getting attached to someone who is not right for us only to have your heartbreak some more..He has to be right for all of us.. he has to love you as much as he loves me..and he has to spend time with all of us and understand that you kids come first.. I need to set a good role model before you.. to show you a good healthy relationship.. I will be alone until that happens.”
“Robyn.” I asked her ” do you have a second wish?” “Yes mommy.. I would like daddy to spend more time with me.”.. this made me sad again as I knew I couldn’t change his choices.. then I told my daughter ” Robyn we are putting all your emotional power on what your dad does or doesn’t do for you.. is there any other way that we can fill your heart?”
Just then her sister, my older daughter Tessa came into the room and joined our conversation..she said ” I had a dream that you got us hamsters.” I laughed and replied ” Nice try Tessa.” but I saw a spark in Robyn’s eye.. her little soul ignite as she said ” Tessa really did have that dream the other night mommy..she told me so.” it was then I remembered years ago getting kitten after I had a miscarrage at 4 1/2 months.. I remembered how much animals can help you heal when you have a broken heart.. My children were watching my face..they know me well..and they lept for joy.. when I told them ” YES ”
Maybe God gave Tessa the dream.. stinky hamsters it is 😉