Setting The Stage For Murder…. part 1
Ok before I start.. lets get over that I am over it..or I wouldn’t be able to write about it or see the humor in the situation or in the past..as this is the past..as we always have to start at the begining and the begining is the past…
It started when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant with my son.. I asked my then husband to come home from work early as I needed to get off my feet from looking after our two young girls all day.. I had.. had four miscarrages before this pregnancy so I need to rest..doctor’s orders.. My husband came home from work.. yelling at me as soon as he opened the door.. he said ” everyone on my crew thinks you are a ball and chain..because of you I can’t have any fun!” Umm he was the boss and it was his business..why should he care or why would his employees say such a thing to their boss..cause it was one employee inparticular that was saying these things..a female employee..
After he yelled at me I burst into tears..crying up the stairs..being hormonal and voulnerable..I couldn’t stop crying and he made no move to console me… I started to bleed..he drove me to the hospital…It took two days for the spotting to stop and some extra medicated sythetic hormones..I prayed like I thought I had never prayed before.. a poster was on the hospital door to my room that read ” through God all things are possible.” I prayed that God would make our son a possibility..
He didn’t show up for the Ultra Sound..hmmmm something came up with an employee cutting a finger..hmmmm.. I never heard much about it from any of them after..but..all of a sudden things just started to come up at work all the time.. he was late often.. he was angry.. he didn’t want to be home with me and the kids.. he resented his family responisbilities..and suddenly I was no fun..and he informed me that he would of just been happy having the two girls..instead of having this one too.
He hated the way I looked pregnant.. I was verging on toxic the latter half of the pregnancy.. I was very bloated my liver was taking a beating..from the toxins circulating through my system..it was not a fun time.. and according to him I wasn’t fun….
This female employee came to the house to quit for one year.. I saw them outside talking.. ( looking back she was quiting to teach him a lesson..cause he did want to leave me yet..it would look bad ).. I saw them outside when they didn’t see me.. they were flirting.. I knew then.. it hit me so hard it hurt..here I was seven months pregnant..trying to keep the baby and I knew instinctively that my husband was having an affair with her..and she was pissed because I didn’t miscarry the baby this time..and he was staying because it would look bad.. Yes I knew..but my baby meant more to me.. I had to make myself forget for my unborn son..
Later she was working at the local market..she was a cashier..We spoke and she told me that she would never work for him again..I could tell she was hurt and angry..a little lovers spat!…wtf right..she was telling me like I was her girlfriend..but she wasn’t telling me anything really… but the meaning was all there and she was telling me with my new baby in the cart and my little girls surrounding me while I was buying food for my family..wtf right?
This really did happen.. I kid you not!
She had also shown up just out of the blue at the kids soccor game to look at our new baby.. just out of the blue.. YUP!
Can you imagine why I would get post partum depression after my son was born? Hmmmm I wonder why…
He kept comming home later.. he kept wanting to be out all the time.. meanwhile.. I was taking care of a newborn and two young girls all by myself.. he brought home the paycheck and that was it..I did everything else..then one day.. I pleaded with him to not go golfing on a Sunday.. I han’t slept for days.. I was exhausted my brain felt like sand paper..but this is what he said ” I am going to go out golfing and I will get back when ever I fucking feel like it and there isn’t anything you can fucking do about it!!!”
I started to cry with my two month old son on my breast.. I just couldn’t help it.. I was so tired…so starved for his attention and his love..he was giving it to her..and not me..he was unplugging from our family..the girls were right there when he said it.. the baby, me and the girls were all crying when he left for his fun day in the summer sun golfing..and he was right I had not choice.. I had no help!.. just the post partum hotline that I called almost everyday to keep me sane for my kids..
We went on like this for a while.. many things like this happened.. I was emotionally abused by him often.. I had no love but I had to love my children.. I was empty..and then my sister came down with the brain tumor..I had to fight to keep her in the hospital..as her abusive husband wanted her to die at home..but he would of left her alone to die..and I couldn’t help her in his home.. I had to fight..to keep her in the hospital so that she could die with her dignity and so that her children were not tramatized with her death..and the responsibility of her care in her dieing..
The day after my sister died my husband called me a selfish bitch..because the play pen scratched the new floor that he had just put in..and he wouldn’t drop it.. no.. he followed me around the house calling me a selfish bitch..while I was still trying to understand my sister’s death..that she was gone..of course he did this infront of our children..
Can you see the need for his murder.. I can!
Just setting it all down before you..and this is also my purge.. this is my release of the past..the end of the end..