The Shadow Effect
I was taught that to be a bitch was to be unlovable..that to be a bitchy out spoken woman was to be shunned by men…I was taught that women were not supposed to like sex..and that to be sexy meant you were a slut..
I was taught to be a nice girl..to serve men..to give my time and energy endlessly..if I was not willing to give everyone else the best and to take the least for myself..if I didn’t I was being a bitch.
I have been told that because I write and work on my art..I am a bad mother..and of course being a woman that would make me a bitch..because I take the time to go to the gym and take care of my physical self..this makes me a selfish mother..as I should be spending all of my free time on my children and home..I should do more for others and I should put myself last..to do less is to be a selfish bitch..to like sex also makes me a slut.
To love myself I need to accept that what society judges as my bad quailities are a part of who I am…yes I am a bitch..because I stand up for myself..I live out loud..I speak my mind and my truth..and I let others know when they have wronged me..I get mad at people when they hurt me..when they use me an when they lie to me..I get right pissed off and I tell them what they did and what they need to do to fix it..by taking responsibility for their lies and hurt that they have caused me..they can make it right with me.
I am a selfish mother..I write..I paint..I date..I go out dancing now and then…I take care of myself and take time for myself..so I am selfish..Sometimes a mother has to be selfish to preserve herself for her children as well..if I am running on empty how can I fill them with love..if I am used up and bitter from self neglect how can I take proper care of them or anyone else?
I love sex..so that makes me a slut to some..as the definition of slut can vary from society and person to person…how do you define a slut..does she have a different partner every night..does she have multiple partners all at once? If so I don’t meet that definition as a slut..but if you think that because I enjoy my sex appeal or that because I am good in bed..that I like sex..and that I have slept with more than the one man in my life time makes me a slut..than I am a slut..if you think that because I think about sex often, that makes me a slut..then I am a slut in your definition of a slut..if you think that because I have had sex without marriage that that makes me a slut..than I am a slut.
The fact is that when I or when you repress the truth of who we are..the good and the bad we stop ourselves from the full expression of our souls..our souls are the contrast of light and dark..good and bad…hate and love.
Pain is passion…shame is supression of our passion..to supress who you are from yourself and from the world is self imprisonment..to let others shame you for being human and making mistakes is to go into the prison that they have set before you.
As human beings we all have one thing in common and that is pain..to shame another for their experiences is to shame yourself..to hate another is to hate that part of them that lives inside of you..
Here is good example of this..it is conversation that I was having with a man commenting on my blog..he was mad at me and was judging me for not being factual enough with my writing..yet he had to keep commenting..I think the reason he was trying to supress me and my creative thought was to justify for himself his own fear at facing his true self..and his reality..as it takes two to tango..
o Jesus del Torro el Jesus Ramses III says:
December 25, 2011 at 7:15 pm (Edit)
No one’s the mouse, no one’s the cat, we’re just 2 irrelevant people saying nothing to each other over the internet. Using a quote from someone to illustrate a point against them isn’t a lack of original thought, it’s an easy way to get your point across. Of course, at this point I shouldn’t be surprised to you fail to understand me. What can you expect from someone who is a grown adult and yet can’t properly correspond with their lawyer without making inappropriate emotional outbursts? And who then posts the transcripts of these conversations online to seek validation for their childish actions? I’m done. It’s over, you win, fuck it I don’t care because this is clearly a logic-free zone. Keep jumping to those conclusions, It’s been real.
2. Grace says:
December 26, 2011 at 3:12 am (Edit)
I can see you are upset..that this little game has gotten to you..you hate me because you love me..you hate because I am everything that you want in yourself and woman but you have not been able to have it..not yet.
But if you could see that you are more than just like me…if you could see that our souls are made from the same energy that all creation runs from and goes back to..
Than you could love me..than you could see that this game always existed inside of you..and inside of me..as a away to bring forth creation..to cause manifestation.
What I do here on this blog is simply this…I love all of myself..the good, the bad..the ugly..and the brilliant parts of my soul.
I am only human as are you..we were all born to make mistakes…my conception was a mistake..as many are
But this mistake that I am makes me beautiful..for I am a child of God
No matter how many names you may call me..no matter how much you may try to undermind me..I have purpose and it is simply this….
To take off the masks..that society causes us to wear..for our own social protection from one another…from games such as this..
This has been a perfect example..
Let me tell you who I am…
I am lovable….I am unlovable
I am beautiful…I am ugly
I am whole…..but I am empty
I am not lonely…but I am all alone
I am a bitch…and I am sweet
I am caring…and I don’t give a shit
I am love ……and I am hate
I am a contradiction!..Because I am human..because this is my soul…
I am the light and I am the dark..but together they cause creation
They cause the compulsion to create and to bring forth more..
When you hate me you hate yourself..when you speak to me this way..I am your mirror and you are mine..we are learning here together…
That love and hate..are one.
My mission is to show the world through using myself and by using conversations such as ours..that it is OK to love all of yourself.
Once we love all of us the masks come off and we are freed from our own internal slavery..
Shame inhibits us from accepting our own reality…to say I am not perfect is perfection….it is the contradiction of creation.
Have a Merry Christmas…I love to hate you..and hate to love you
in saying that..am I speaking to you our to me?
we are one under the light of God!
3. Grace says:
December 26, 2011 at 3:42 am (Edit)
Logic has it’s place as a foundation for theory..theory uses logic as a spring board.
All scientific theory..is based on a small fraction of logic..that is then used to connect it’s self to the imagination..it is in the internal space of the soul..that the human race learned how to see around corners…it is by knowning in the wisdom of the soul..that all great thought and theory has brought forth great invention and higher understanding..
Before the first aircraft lifted off the ground..the entire concept was thought to be irational..crazy…
Man was not suposed to fly…
But the basic logic of the natural forces of creation and the intense imagination of a human being caused the first flight to become reality..
The fact..( if you will accept it as fact..as fact it’s self is up for debate )..is that the aircraft had to fly first in the imagination for it’s manifestation into physical reality could take place..
Fact it’s self is not fact as we know it..it is all illusion..as there is only perception…it is only what is taken in by our eyes and related through are brains that we can concieve as fact..it is is filtered this way is it truly fact..?
Or is it all a hollogram..or our own imagination..?
This is the contradition…?
This is were knowledge meets wisdom..which is greater knowledge or wisdom?
They are both needed to know and build upon each other..with out the other…there would be no balance..
Such as male and female..we need each other to sustain each other..each different..but the same..
Today we live in a world were wearing a social mask is expected..when we see others living freely as their true selves with out these masks it makes us uncomfortable because it means that we or you have some serious internal work to do to release yourself from your own prison of persception..To face your darkest self is to face your most brilliant self..the self that shines and will know it’s own greatness..but this can be frightening for you and for others around you..as the potential is limit less..
When I watched the documentary THE SHADOW EFFECT..it was the sychroniscity that backed up my writing and the fact that I have used the uncovering of myself as an example to show others how..how to take off the social masks and to free themselves from the social conditioning that has supressed us as individuals and as humanity…