For those of you how follow my blog but are not on my facebook; I had a very hard time last night with those who do not understand my writing or me. I am trying to make a postive change in the world by being open, honest and by being myself.. but some are finding me to be selfish, sluty, rude, gross, bitchy, a bad mom and man crazy.
Some didn’t see my sensual boudoir photography as art or that I was celebrating coming into my own as a woman and my transformation through heartache.
It seems to some of the women that live around me that I am being arrogant and selfish.. to think that people want to read about my life or see my pictures. It seems that they think by using my life and my story because I just want to draw attention to myself for selfish concieted reasons… not because I am using my life and my story to help others.. I was told by a friend today that everyone has a story and has gone through pain.. THAT IS MY PIONT! I am not saying I am the only one.. I am not saying that my pain or my story is more important than others pain and life stories.. I am saying we are all one.
I was not and am not trying to turn other women’s husbands on.. I am not trying to lure a man to me by posting my boudoir photography,, I am trying to say look how far I have come from the pain of my past.
When I posted things about what men had done to me.. I was reporting on their abuse of me.. We tell children to do this that are being abused and bullied.. yet when I did it I was abused even more by being called gross by some..even though it was not my words only the words of others that I reported on.. to protect myself from their threats and further abuse.. A man on my facebook said he was glad he had never been with me or I would plaster it all over facebook posting it on my blog..If a man treats me with even moderate respect this will not happen.. these men were beond cruel and were still being cruel to me.. other than posting Adrian’s name and cell #; I did not use anyone elses true identity..I warned Adrain that if he kept on threatening me and abusing me with his text messages that I would post them to keep me and my kids safe.. he kept on.. so I posted them for these reasons.
When I used David Burdetts real name I was telling him that I still felt love for him as a person and I was saying sorry and thanking him for his creative support and for giving me creative energy and inspiration.. I was being humble and saying I was wrong.
I have transformed and I have become more of myself.. but I have always been an orginal thinker.. I have aways moved away from the norm to forge new pathways and change.. there are many people like me.. there are many people who say ” hey we can do this a better way.” many of these people in history and today have been burned, hanged.. and assasinated for their original ideas, behaviour, thinking and actions.. yet when we look back at them as looking back is 20/20, we thank them for bring us out of the dark ages and into the light of higher understanding and awareness.
Men have said to me by comments on this blog and in person that the rules between men and women are changing and they don’t know what to do.. women have said they want their freedom in their sexuality, speach and day to day living.. it is my intention to help to bring this about.. that is why I am writing that is why I use my life as an example.. but I am not any better than anyone.. what I like about this blogging verses just publishing a book in hard copy is the interaction between us in the comments and on facebook. A friend of mine said she didn’t think her opinion mattered to me.. she is wrong.. everyone’s opinion matters.. everyone matters.
You may not like that I stand out.. you may think that I am trying to be concieted, arrogant and attention getting with my work..this may be your perspective.. but it is not my intention.. my intention is to make a postive change in the world.. my intention is to help bring about this change… my intention is to do whatever it takes to do it..including sacrifice. I have and I am doing that.. and if you think it is about me getting attention.. why.. check yourself please.. why do you think that?
I am putting up some old pictures of myself to show you how far I have come physically.. but you don’t see how far I have come emotionally, mentally or spiritually in the pictures..but you can see that in my writing and how I live my life.
I know we are all connected and that my life story is but a reflection of all life stories… I don’t think that I am better than anyone.. It think that we are all equal in the eyes of God.