Love and Dating…the beautiful dreamer
I waited for a year after my husband left to start to date. I joined Plenty of Fish because it was free and I had heard good things about it from other women.
The first date that I went on was with a guy that contacted me off of the site. He was a writer too and he was very excited that we could share the same passion and that I was cute. We met at a local coffee shop; I could see his surprise as I walked through the door; I could tell that he was very attracted to me physically. I thought he was nice looking too, but more so as we began to sit and talk. I found his life facinating; he had traveled all over the world; he had lived a life rich and full of adventure. I could only dream about living such a life filled with the opportunity to travel at will. I loved the romance and the wimsy, the beauty of going were the wind would lead me. I was completely sweeped up in his stories of his journeys and the pictures that he showed me on his phone. I feel in love instantly with the thought of being swept off my feet by this handsome stranger to unknown lands, places and people that would inspire me and my artistic pursuits.
I met another dreamer; a soul cut from the same cloth as me..A beautiful dreamer filled with the passion of freedom. I don’t know to this day if I feel in love with him or with his life? I have never been so taken in by someone so completely and so quickly.
We walked to the local park and there we kissed; the passion was instant, it was shocking; I had never in my life be so ignited by another person. I was glad it was day light and that we hadn’t much time to spend together as things could have gone to far to soon. We all know that is never a good thing if you want to build some kind of relationship. He said he would call me right away; he told me that he would have more time around Christmas and that we could spend that time together. I was so happy; to spend time with someone so full of life and the lust for life, it was exactly what I needed at that time. I was living way out in farm country; my ex had my kids on the weekends and so I spent my weekends alone out in the country side. I was very lonely and heartbroken over my ex and I still was having problems not having my kids with me on the weekends. All my friends were married and they spent time with their families on the weekends; I was so lonely. I was dreading Christmas; being a single mother; with him saying he wanted to spend time with me then, gave me something to look forward to, something to be happy about.
He did call and we had a very passionate conversation on the phone; he told me that he was looking forward to getting to know me better; that he really wanted to know who I was as a person. I was over the moon!
But a few days went by and I didn’ t hear a word from him.. then a couple more and I started to think I was just used to feed his ego. I started to think that he had just played me. I wrote him an email telling him how hurt I was and that I was feeling and thinking that he used me. I mean how hard could it be to send me a short email or quick phone call?
His email back to me came from an angry, frustrated person. It turned out that his book needed to be re-edited and that his eyes were peeling out of his head from combing through it over and over gain… he was very stressed and he didn’t have the time to tell me about it. I can understand this; I can understood that he was putting everything into his dream and his passion; but I was a important as well. I now see that I could not make him responsible for my happiness as you can not do that to anyone; I now see that I had to much riding on this emotionally; but a quick phone call or a short email would have been the considerate thing to do on his part.
Then when I wanted to meet up with him again he told me his friends thought I was a messed up chick; that I had problems because of how upset I became at him not contacting me.. I said ignoring me. Then he told me he still had time off around Christmas and that we could find time then for a coffee or something. He then told me that I was lucky that I was getting a second chance, because he ususally listened to his friends when it came to things like this. I was instantly angry; I didn’t tell him so, I held it back. I felt very insulted and condsended to, but I thought it was just a misunderstanding and that I could give him a second chance.
Christmas came and went and then on Boxing Day.. the day that he said he would contact me to let me know if we could spend sometime together he never did.. I emailed him and asked him what was up. He then told me that he had made some plans with his friends and that we wouldn’t be getting together.. He told me by email.. he didn’t even give me the respect of telling me on the phone. I cried. I felt so rejected; so hurt and crushed. Just like I wrote in my chapter about love; rejection and being left out socially can be so incredibly painful. It was Boxing Day and I was all alone; I guess I am also to blame for putting so much into that meeting; it was hard not to after how wonderful our first meeting went. I feel in love with a beautiful dreamer only to be harshly rejected.
We kept in contact here and there by email; eventually we met again for coffee. This meeting had a completely different tone to it. When I patted him on the back he seemed to flinch from my casual touch; as if I was going to hit him. We sat and had our coffee and this time he kept his distance from me. He looked at me as if I was sad pathetic creature; as if he felt sorry for me. It was very insulting; I had no idea how to take it or what to make of it. He only gave me 15min of his very important time. I brought him a box of chocolates for his belated birthday; I bought him his coffee as a sort of peace offering; he took my book to read.