LOVE… Chapter 7
The entire human experience exist for the sake of love..something so magical that it is hard to place any practical theory on the definition of love.. it can not be see by the human eye, felt by the finger tips, tasted, heard, or expressed fully. Yet we can not exist with out love. It has been shown in orphanages that babies could be fed, cleaned and that they had all of there survival needs met but still if they were not held they would slowly die from not thriving. It is true for each and everyone of us; that if we feel rejected or neglected we turn to depression, illness and for many suicide.
To not be accepted by others is the worse possible hurt that can be put upon any living soul.. to not be seen, heard or acknowleged is heartache. Those who are alone can feel this loneliness as one can feel physical pain; slowly crushing their resolve and sense of selfworth.
If ever we want to be cruel to another human all one has to do is make them feel excluded and that something is wrong with them as a person. We have all felt this from time to time in our lives; this feeling of not belonging, or feeling like the odd one out of the social loop; nothing can hurt so much as rejection.
Love can be compared to the wind; it is made known by the action; in a lovers kiss, a mothers hug and a friends helping hand. It can be shown in the act of making love; but not in the act of raw sex, but actually in gently loving the other in an intimate caring but also sexual way.
It is very human and natural to need this love from others around us as natural as breathing; if it be from the love of close friends, or our parents or in the more intimate love of our mate. For those who say or feel that the do not need love and close companionship means that something has gone wrong in their personal emotional make-up; that somewhere along the line; if it be chemically or through life circumstances something has gone wrong..There are narcissistic people that have problems emotionally connecting to others; these are people that are so in love with their own image that they play to themselves and others that they haven’t any room to share in there locked down minds with others. They are so caught up in their own image that they can not see past themselves to walk in anothers piont of view or perspective. The narcissist can not experience compassion for others leading them only to function on a superfical level of understanding; it is the narcissist that hasn’t any trouble breaking other’s hearts due to the fact that they can not even begin to feel for others or see others as equal to them. You can recognise the narcissit by their illiusions of grandure, they like to talk about themselves constantly; will not hear a word you say and turn the conversation around to themselves constantly. In the perspective of the narcissit they can do no wrong; there are only wrongs committed against them and they have the finnal judgement on you and everyone. It is this type of person that lives alone their entire lives due to the fact that they simply can not have empathy for others; they simply can not be bothered to be pulled away from themselves thinking about you are anyone else for that matter.
There is healthy self love and healthy self love begins with self-respect. If we do not respect ourselves how can we expect others to respect us? All of our relationships will eventually become negative and defeating if they begin in with a lack of self love. When we see ourselves as worthy we attract love into our lives and into our hearts. Our worth is found when we accept our imperfections and we release our guilt and shame. Worth is found when we realize our importance by standing our ground and trusting in ourselves. It is here, at this understanding that we are ready to experience healthy and meaningful relationships with the rest of the world. This includes romantic relationships, working and family relationships and friendships.
The reason we love ourselves and others is to find the truth about ourselves. It is in the reflection our lover’s emotion that we find the truth of who we are in that moment. Love dissoloves the ego, which is the lower mind; it is our ability to love that helps us to become aware of our own selfishness. Love saves us from falling into dispair; love is the light in our existence. To love is to be apart of divinity, love is the creation force of all life. It is by loving that we know the divine.
Loving and forgiveness come together hand in hand; to love unconditionally one must forgive. None of us are perfect, we are all capable of hurting the ones we love and that love us, so it is necessary to forgive ourselves and to be forgiven of others, or love will not survive. Love is living and fluid, love is a garden that needs careful tending to; we must prune and weed away what is harmful so love may thrive and stay healthy. If we are not careful and attentive to love the weeds of bitternes will take over and destroy love. The weeds that destroy love are; unreleased anger, jealousy, grudges, disrespect and selfishness. All of these things may be express but not supressed it is the suppression of these actions and emotions that helps them to grow and become unmanageable; when felt or shown they must be given room for expression so that they may be released and let go of so that grudges do not grow.
Meaningful love becomes stronger in adversity, when we truly love we will persevere for the sake of that love; because true love is priceless and can not be replaced. When the one we love needs us we are willing to protect them with our own lives despite the risk.
Healthy love does not control and smother; anything that is smothered dies. Real love is never perfect, because perfection does not exist; there is no fruit without blemish, there are no flowers without bugs and there are no people without weaknesses. In true love the social masks come off and the truth of the person is accepted and loved regardless of their imperfections and flaws. In true love we are free to be the light and dark of our personalities, because we see ourselves in each other.
Love can be compared to the ocean in that the tide comes in and then it goes out; meaning that there will be times that you feel out of touch with your lover but then it washes back again. there will be times of hardship and then there will be times of great connection and compassion; there are endings and beginings, as there are in nature. True love always finds away to grow again even after the winter’s chill, true love is always renewed in the springtime of intimacy.
Happiness is found in self acceptance and in the acceptance of circumstances that we can not change. It is when we have found unconditional love of ourselves and others that we find happiness. When we do not defind ourselves by what we do or what we have, or who we know; this is when we find true happiness. This happiness is not a fleeting one, but it is a joy that we experience like a warm ember smoldering deep within our hearts. This joy comes when we share our lives, our time and our hearts with others, this joy is known when the world becomes our family and our close family units become our world.
Love brings happiness and through both we know joy.