Part of my personal transformation is that I don’t want to write down what I wrote during the time that he first left me; because I am so over it..Looking back is 20/20.. Now it is very clear to me that I could not go on as my own person in that marriage. I am so glad that the woman he had the affiar with is living with him and it isn’t me! My freedom is so priceless to me now; I am not willing to become any man’s little woman ever again. Now in my fully transformed new self; I can never be but back into that life as I am like a tree that was once potted but now I have been planted into the ground. My life and my spirit are like the roots of that tree; as I have expanded and grown into so much more than I used to be. To go back into the pot ( my old life ) would be to surely die; to cut back these life giving new roots that I have developed would smother and kill me. The newly transformed self can be compared to a butterfly ( as butterflys are the symbol or transformation world wide ) You can not make a butterfly in to a caterpillar again; to cut off its wings would be to kill it.
By saying that I do not want to be any man’s little woman; means that I can not be in a realtionship that does not have equality; I can not be in any relationship that does not accept and respect me for who I am. Relationships can be, friendships, working relatlionships, lovers and family members. I have transformed into being very comfortable in my own skin and I refuse to make any appologies to anyone for that; as I think we all should feel. This is true emotional health and the love of the self; that is living in ones own integrity and personal strength.
Here my friends is some adivice on transformation:
To experience transformation one must go inside of fear, through the wormhole, the eye of the needle and them be remade on the other side of life. Transformation is surrender and release as one would feel upon the moment of death or birth, because both are only more of the same, a transition in experiencing existance. Transformation is a white knuckle ride filled with joy and sorrow.
When we are practicing addictive behaviours we are really searching for comfort, we are searching for away to ease our suffering. We all need this comfort, but we need to go about it in away that restores health instead of destroying health. Nurturing ourselves helps us to develope, grow and become strengthened in a postive way.
Transformation can be compared to a metamorphosis in that it is a change that happens from the inside out; it’s why the symbol of the butterfly is used for transformation. When the caterpillar goes through its transformation it finds a place that is safe and quiet where it will nto be disturbed. The caterpillar fills it’s self with nutrient rich food to build its strength for the amazing change ahead. In a place that is free from danger the caterpillar separates it’s self from the rest of the world and there remains alone in it’s metamorphosis. Full of energy the caterpillar slowly and patiently works towards it’s true form. On emerging the butterfly dries it’s wings n the soft rays of the sun and then suddenly takes flight.
What we learn from the butterfly is that transformation take place in stages; first the butterfly nurtures it’s self in feeding, then in being alone it finds it’s strength for the transformation process. After it’s metamorphosis there is a time of self-reflection, of what was and now what is. It is in the gaining of this wisdom that we are released from the lower self and we find our enlightenment; the enlightenment is our flight. Like the butterfly we are released and freed from the past and we move forward to our future while living in the present moment. We are lightened in the spirit.