Anger: Chapter 3
Anger can be a positve emotion when we need it to help us take action in our lives. Anger can be the fuel that we need to move us through difficult times in our lives. Being angry may help us with assertion when we need to be heard. Being justifiably angry helps us in getting what we need. The energy of anger needs to be released in positive ways so that it does not channel deep with in to become a seeping mess that can not be controled.
It is when we can not control our anger that it leads to unhealthy behavior and it is then when we feel ourselves constantly raging that we come to realize we have an addiction to the adrenaline high of anger.
Anger sprouts it’s roots in pain, sorrows and emotional pains that have not been dealt with or expressed; Anger comes from the suppression of past and present emotions that are being denied. Anger is fear; fear of the unknown and fear of being hurt again. We loose control in unhealthy anger because we fear the lack of control in our day to day lives.
To uproot anger in ourselves we must dig deep with our hearts and find the roots of it’s origin. Is this a fresh anger or has it been growing in us for years? Does this anger come from the high expectations of control that we put on ourselves and others?
With patience and with self forgiveness and with the understanding or our own imperfect humanity, we may slowly pull free of the strangling roots of this anger. We have to take the time to pick it apart and calmly examine its growth in order that we can completly be rid ot its hold on our lives. The question to be asking ourselves is will being angry and loosing control change the outcome of this situation? Will being angry change anything for the better? Asking ourselves these questions can help us to put our negative emotions and our need for control in to perspective.
We will become wiser when we accept that life is not under our control. We will not always have control over what life hads to us, this is a part of teh adventure that is life. We are not perfect, our loved ones are not perfect. Along the way we will all experience loss and someone will let us down.
We will all be tested and we have no control over this, but we do have control over how well we choose to handle our testing.
To chose well is to choose forgiveness. To forgive is to reclaim the feelings of our powerlessness. This means understanding that all of us are human and all of us make mistakes and that the pain that has been inflicted on you, you might need forgiveness for this this yourself in the future; as we are all capable of inflicting the same pain on others.
Forgivenes takes maturity and compassion, fogiveness is not for the fait of heart. It is by walking through the gates of forgiveness that we are delivered from anger and bitterness, these negative emotions that will eventually, if left untreated will destroy us.
Forgiveness takes time and spiritual and mental practice, we will sometimes forgive the same hurt many times before forgiveness becomes complete within us. The rewards of forgiveness are priceless as we are freed yet again from the lower self and we are lifted even closer towards wholeness and healing.
The roots of my anger grow strong and deep in abandonment. When I was born my father had already left my mother; this would be one of the many times that he left her and she left him because of the ongoing abuse by him. I was put in a buggy in my Grandmother’s kitchen, as there was no other place to put me; right from the beginning there wasn’t ever a solid foundation in my life. We were moved around constanlty, from grandparent to grandparent andthen from one parent to another.
When I went to stay in foster homes at the age of 16 I never felt at home; it wasjust someone who was being paid by the government to take me in; I always felt like a visitor or even worse, unwanted. I would see all the other kids my age with regular families and just feel so damn angry; I was being cheated and ripped off. I was the oursider looking in at regular, normal people living normal lives and it seemed I would never experience being in a normal family. I ws pissed off, I was poor and always had to fight and struggle for what little I did have.
I just wanted a firm foundation, I wanted a family, I wanted to just fit in and have fun and be a kid; yet I grew up fast and hard as I had to survive our die from a dangerous situation or from destructive behaviour. My first relationship was destructive, I met and moved in with an alchohlic at the tender age of 18; I just wanted to be loved so badly and I just wanted a family so badly. He beat me, just like my father did, he was cruel, just like my father was: I guess he ws everything I was expecting because his type was all I had ever known.