This is the palace were I can paint with words; to me writing is like breathing, this is my passion, were I can take everyday events and the harshness of life and turn them into magical events. I can take you with me to to a place were we all visited as children; were we all saw the mystery of life.
Today I witnessed my own transformation. The woman that I once was a couple of years ago is left behind like an old skin that I have shed. We see this evolution in nature all the time; the dried up old nymph skins of dragonflys stuck to the reeds of a pond. The old un-needed shell discarded as the dragonfly speedily zips through the air, freed of it’s unnecessary old form. We see the frogs leaping through the air when once they were submerged as tadpolls under dark mucky water. This was me two years ago stuck in an unhappy marriage, 40 pounds overwieght and burdened by the shame put on me by my ex husband.
Today I drove with my sister back to the marrital home that I left with my children over 8 months ago. With my sisters help we were serving him with court papers ( I tell you why in a moment ). When we were approaching the house I felt like a wild animal that wanted to bolt from the threat of harm or captivity. The place that we were approaching felt like a place were I was held captive. I felt an intense gratitude for my freedom and intense emotion of the need to protect that freedom. I saw then how far I had come from the woman who had once lived in this place. I know now that I couldn’t go back if I wanted to; I am so much more than I used to be, I truly am not the same person as she seems like a total stranger to me. I have found my voice, my thoughts and my beliefs. I have found myself and my freedom, now that I have it and I know what it is I will never give it up again.
Here is the series of events leading up to serving my ex emergency custody papers:
When I moved to Kelowna I had gotten the ball rolling on the divorce; once I was sure that he was having an affair, I was ready to end the marriage. I contacted FairWay Divoce; had the house put on the market and with in a few months I had moved out to Kelowna. He has seen to it that nothing has been easy; and through the entire process he has threatened me with not paying support.
It took me months to get him to give Family Allowance the paper work they needed to prove that we were separated and living in different homes; finally I had to use the legal system to get him to do his part. I recieved a huge back pay from Family Allowance because of this and so that could become independant of his financial threats I used over 3,000 to upgrade at the local College. Legally he was obligated to help pay for the day care expense with the help of Day Care Subsitdy; but as hard as the mine and his lawyer tried they could not get him to pay consistantly causing me to have to drop out of classes and causing me to get into a car accident due to the intense stress. His name was on he insurance, and because he hadn’t signed the separtion papers the Van was still in his name. He told me to lie to ICBC knowing that he would have to pay out the accident; but when they asked me I could tell they were waiting for the lie, so I couldn’t do it.
To make a long story short he retaliated by taking the Van; I called my Lawyer and then the police as he was getting enraged and yelling through the kitchen window at me infront of the kids. I knew that if I didn’t call the police it would have gotten worse. Before that, while the older kids were still at school and my youngest was with me; he threatened to take the kids from me. He told me that I didn’t lift a finger, and that the oldest would be old enought to baby sit the other two after school next fall; he didn’t think that he should have to pay support to me when he could just have the kids come and live with him. He went on and on…. to me things inside of me became suddenly still, and I felt like I was listening to him from a great distance.. I knew I had to take heed and take note as this was the end.
That very day my lawyer informed me that she needed more money; I told her off, she and his lawyer hadn’t managed to get him to sign the agreement that would have settled the custody and the support. they had accomplished little and wanted thoughsands more. The basic safty of me and my children sat in jepordy because of this fact. I knew then that if I wanted matters taken care of that I would have to take them into my own hands. I told my lawyer in an email that I was done being a victim to him, to circumstance and to the way the justice system was set up. I decided and I did go to the court house and I filed an motion for emergency custody and support.
On top of all that I had to serve him the papers and then bring them back to the court house to be registered with the court; but the catch 22 ( there is always a catch 22 in these matters of law) I could not go onto the property to serve him myself, meaning that whom ever served had to be willing to go travel an hour and a half and back again and then take the papers to the court house to be registered. I asked some friends; and I regret putting such a huge load on them. they knew how horrible my situation was and in my desperation I asked them. But eventually my sister and I figured it out; thank God!
The stress of the day evaporated into thin air right after we served him. We became giddy and silly as we joked around in our best english accents; about what Harry Potter does with his magic wand in the bedroom; and does he take his glasses off? LOL
We laughed at the thought of my sister bringing her pepper spray with her straped to her back in her little backpack.LOL Then in true girly fasion we hit the local beauty store and bought some sparlkley makeup and other things that just made us feel good!
What I have learned about myself is this; when he tries to bring me down he only makes me stronger. All of this has made me whom I am and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
I am going to include a picture of the Pheonix that I painted. I see myself and other people that have risen out of the ashes in the legend of the Pheonix. The spirit can never break!